The interesting thing about this essay is the way it uses the word "cheating." Most people would never think of it this way, but you're right, normal people feel as though they really ought to meet all obligations, even if this is impossible.
The sense of stress I've had throughout life has not always been of this character. Rather, stress in my life, has often been due to questions about meeting survival needs for myself and (later) my family. It doesn't feel like cheating to let yourself get fired from a no-win job you need to prevent homelessness and starvation, it feels like you're about to become homeless and will no longer have enough to eat.
>>The sense of stress I've had throughout life has not always been of this character. Rather, stress in my life, has often been due to questions about meeting survival needs for myself and (later) my family.
Hm, then cheating is the wrong word. If I get you right, you were stressed from violating your own nature through going to a job you didn't like in any sense with a significant and credible threat hanging over you. That doesn't sound much like "stress" experienced from having too much to do at work. It sounds more like "stress" in the same sense that a plant that lacks water or an animal in a bad zoo is "stressed". Ideally I should have used a less broad word for the feeling of being overwhelmed by obligations and ambitions, but I didn't have such a word at hand.
Cheating is the right word for the kind of stress you are writing about. I've seen many people experience this, which occasionally leaves me bemused when I don't really relate to the dilemmas they face. I'm pretty good at downsizing my expectations in the face of constraints on my time and energy, so I don't often get this, but when my children are involved it's much more likely. (For example, it's been a few days since I took them to a park, or even played a board game with them. Tomorrow!)
The stress I've more commonly dealt with has been closer to that of an animal in a bad zoo. I suspect this is much closer to level of chronic stress experienced by Gen Z in America where the general sense of safety and trust has eroded. And of course this is an entire level beneath that of a soldier under fire, where danger is imminent and life threatening. A soldier wouldn't really say stress is about cheating, but that's because he'd be talking about something else.
Another pertinent dimension is "things I must do" vs "things I want to do". One can fill up one's life with the former (highly structured) and never have time for the latter.
I think stress comes from the feeling of being overwhelmed by having too much to do; but crucially, at least part of that depends on one's perspective. For example, if you have ten things to do in one's day if one looks at the whole day it's very easy to become overwhelmed, even though it is possible to accomplish those tasks in the day. For me, my stress levels went down significantly even though I didn't outwardly change anything when I changed my perspective to only focus on what was in front of me -- to do what I could at the task at hand and then when finished move on to the next, without focusing on the big picture. Of course if you have so many obligations that you cannot do it all even with that perspective shift then something manifestly needs to change, but often times developing tunnel vision helps a lot.
This position rings true. The stress of choice, even good choices, can be very unpleasant but spur a person to action. I remember one of my most stressed periods was after the birth of our first child. When I was working, I felt like I was a bad parent for not being with our baby. When I was with the baby, I felt stress from not working hard to provide. It was a no-win situation. I eventually realized what was happening and just told myself if I was doing something meaningful for my work, mind, health or family that I shouldn’t feel any regret or stress. That helped.
The interesting thing about this essay is the way it uses the word "cheating." Most people would never think of it this way, but you're right, normal people feel as though they really ought to meet all obligations, even if this is impossible.
The sense of stress I've had throughout life has not always been of this character. Rather, stress in my life, has often been due to questions about meeting survival needs for myself and (later) my family. It doesn't feel like cheating to let yourself get fired from a no-win job you need to prevent homelessness and starvation, it feels like you're about to become homeless and will no longer have enough to eat.
>>The sense of stress I've had throughout life has not always been of this character. Rather, stress in my life, has often been due to questions about meeting survival needs for myself and (later) my family.
Hm, then cheating is the wrong word. If I get you right, you were stressed from violating your own nature through going to a job you didn't like in any sense with a significant and credible threat hanging over you. That doesn't sound much like "stress" experienced from having too much to do at work. It sounds more like "stress" in the same sense that a plant that lacks water or an animal in a bad zoo is "stressed". Ideally I should have used a less broad word for the feeling of being overwhelmed by obligations and ambitions, but I didn't have such a word at hand.
Cheating is the right word for the kind of stress you are writing about. I've seen many people experience this, which occasionally leaves me bemused when I don't really relate to the dilemmas they face. I'm pretty good at downsizing my expectations in the face of constraints on my time and energy, so I don't often get this, but when my children are involved it's much more likely. (For example, it's been a few days since I took them to a park, or even played a board game with them. Tomorrow!)
The stress I've more commonly dealt with has been closer to that of an animal in a bad zoo. I suspect this is much closer to level of chronic stress experienced by Gen Z in America where the general sense of safety and trust has eroded. And of course this is an entire level beneath that of a soldier under fire, where danger is imminent and life threatening. A soldier wouldn't really say stress is about cheating, but that's because he'd be talking about something else.
Another pertinent dimension is "things I must do" vs "things I want to do". One can fill up one's life with the former (highly structured) and never have time for the latter.
I think stress comes from the feeling of being overwhelmed by having too much to do; but crucially, at least part of that depends on one's perspective. For example, if you have ten things to do in one's day if one looks at the whole day it's very easy to become overwhelmed, even though it is possible to accomplish those tasks in the day. For me, my stress levels went down significantly even though I didn't outwardly change anything when I changed my perspective to only focus on what was in front of me -- to do what I could at the task at hand and then when finished move on to the next, without focusing on the big picture. Of course if you have so many obligations that you cannot do it all even with that perspective shift then something manifestly needs to change, but often times developing tunnel vision helps a lot.
This position rings true. The stress of choice, even good choices, can be very unpleasant but spur a person to action. I remember one of my most stressed periods was after the birth of our first child. When I was working, I felt like I was a bad parent for not being with our baby. When I was with the baby, I felt stress from not working hard to provide. It was a no-win situation. I eventually realized what was happening and just told myself if I was doing something meaningful for my work, mind, health or family that I shouldn’t feel any regret or stress. That helped.