>>So maybe reducing it to something stupid and ridiculous also lowers the barriers to reacting against it. Making this kind of clumsy flirting a taboo, does seem to radically heighten the stakes when it then actually does happen.
Basically, yes. For Arab men, trying to have sex with a woman who protested verbally and otherwise showed clea…
>>So maybe reducing it to something stupid and ridiculous also lowers the barriers to reacting against it. Making this kind of clumsy flirting a taboo, does seem to radically heighten the stakes when it then actually does happen.
Basically, yes. For Arab men, trying to have sex with a woman who protested verbally and otherwise showed clear signs of lack of consent wasn't taboo. It was seen as a thing men did (all men didn't, but many enough for it to be normal). So when I pushed away the n:th man of the day, I didn't accuse him of anything worse than being a man. No hard feelings.
If I push away a Western man doing the same thing, I'm not only accusing him of being a man. I'm accusing him of being a molester, a potential rapist. At the very least, I'm accusing him of having made a wrong move. In best case, such accusations make people regretful, insecure or annoyed. In worst case, they make people angry and aggressive.
That being said, I'm not the least jealous of the Arabs. I'm sure there are at least as many anti-social, dangerous molesters among them. Those dangerous men are just being diluted by scores of annoying and ridiculous men. The Western taboo against sexual aggression has allowed me to spend my life focusing on others things than avoiding sexual aggression. I'm immensely grateful for that opportunity.
Rather than easing taboos against sexual aggression, I think there should be more inoffensive excuses for not wanting to have sex with someone. More versions of "it's not that I don't like you but...".
>>So maybe reducing it to something stupid and ridiculous also lowers the barriers to reacting against it. Making this kind of clumsy flirting a taboo, does seem to radically heighten the stakes when it then actually does happen.
Basically, yes. For Arab men, trying to have sex with a woman who protested verbally and otherwise showed clear signs of lack of consent wasn't taboo. It was seen as a thing men did (all men didn't, but many enough for it to be normal). So when I pushed away the n:th man of the day, I didn't accuse him of anything worse than being a man. No hard feelings.
If I push away a Western man doing the same thing, I'm not only accusing him of being a man. I'm accusing him of being a molester, a potential rapist. At the very least, I'm accusing him of having made a wrong move. In best case, such accusations make people regretful, insecure or annoyed. In worst case, they make people angry and aggressive.
That being said, I'm not the least jealous of the Arabs. I'm sure there are at least as many anti-social, dangerous molesters among them. Those dangerous men are just being diluted by scores of annoying and ridiculous men. The Western taboo against sexual aggression has allowed me to spend my life focusing on others things than avoiding sexual aggression. I'm immensely grateful for that opportunity.
Rather than easing taboos against sexual aggression, I think there should be more inoffensive excuses for not wanting to have sex with someone. More versions of "it's not that I don't like you but...".